Navigating Narcissism
Writing off someone who has wronged you is a normal human behavior. However, recently we’ve seen an uptick in the amount of usage of the word “narcissist” to describe someone who’s behavior isn’t appropriate. We thought it would be helpful to go a little deeper into what narcissism really is, how you can recognize it, and most importantly, how to handle someone that you believe has some narcissistic tendencies.
What is narcissism?
In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a vain, handsome figure who a goddess granted the curse of being endlessly in love with himself. Narcissus came upon his reflection in a pond and found himself unable to leave the water.
Narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD as it’s often abbreviated, is a diagnosable disorder in the DSM-5 (pretty much the Bible in the psychology world). Like the Greek character, narcissistic people usually exhibit a great deal of self-importance and desire loads of attention from their peers, who are often unofficially called “supply.”
It’s important to note that you can be considered narcissistic without having the diagnosed disorder. In fact, we all can be narcissistic at times! Ever get into a bragging war with a “frienemy?” According to Psychology Today, only about 1% of the population actually has been diagnosed with NPD. The difference between acting narcissistic and having a true personality disorder has to do with one’s ability to have empathy for other individuals.
Recognizing narcissism
Narcissists are charismatic individuals, and in dating relationships many describe them as “sweeping me off my feet.” They’re the ones who want to propose marriage after your first date. However, once you’ve gotten to know one, their personalities can shift dramatically. Narcissists usually lack empathy, and view any deep relationships only as a means to getting what they want out of someone.
The behavior of narcissists often becomes abusive, because narcissists have a need to place themselves above other individuals even if it means cutting them down. Some ways a narcissist may abuse someone they’re close with could include:
Gaslighting - trying to convince a peer that the abused is not interpreting the situation correctly
Denial - using such phrases as “”I never said that”
Trivializing - by convincing someone they are overreacting to a situation
Manipulation - using your behavior or other peers against you to distort a situation
How to handle narcissism
If you recognize someone around you exhibits a great deal of narcissism, you may be able to choose to leave the relationship. However, if the person in your life is a relative, spouse, or coparent, it may be harder to completely remove that person from your life.
Continually enforcing boundaries is a great first step to navigating a relationship with a narcissist. Narcissists thrive on being in control, so asserting your feelings and preferences will usually come with resistance. Nonetheless, it’s important to continue practicing setting your own limits with everyone in your life.
Sometimes, using a technique called the “grey rock” can also help you handle a narcissistic person in your life. When you use this method, you consciously choose not to react to anything the narcissist says or does. The goal is to make yourself so uninteresting to deal with that the narcissist gets frustrated that he/she is not getting the attention that they may crave. As a result, the narcissist will have to attempt to find another person to bring their drama onto instead.
At Brave, we know that navigating relationships can be challenging, and dealing with narcissists is - hands down - one of the most difficult to try to manage. Don’t be ashamed to reach out for help, support, and advice from someone you trust, whether that’s a peer or someone on our team. Contact us today if you’d like to schedule a chat with one of our therapists!
